I have been thinking quite a lot lately about a particular word. Not only does it cross my mind every now and then, but it also has been used rather prominently in many of my recent conversations with various people. After 4 or 5 consecutive days of this word popping up again and again, I figured I would dedicate one of my many 'productive' study breaks to trying to understand it better. Here are just a couple of the things I found:
Google.com: dis·man·tle (v): take (a machine or structure) to pieces.
synonyms: take apart, pull apart, pull to pieces, disassemble, break up, break down
Merriam-Webster.com: Known first use to be in the late 1570s; derived from a medieval french word "desmanteler" meaning 'to tear down the walls of a fortress.' Or, literally: des- meaning "off, away" + manteler meaning "to cloak."
So here I am, reading all of these little tid-bits about this strange word, thinking that there MUST be something for me to learn. Surely there could be purpose somewhere in these definitions and factoids.
SIDE NOTE: I have had a very rattling last couple of weeks that have pushed me to my emotional and physical and social limits; so, I was a little insulted that this word kept coming up in conversation. Trust me, I was well aware that various parts of my life were being 'pulled to pieces.' I was up to speed with the fact that my emotions were all 'breaking down.' Ya know?
And I don't think I am wrong to believe that we have all had these moments, or days, or weeks, or months.... hopefully not entire years, though.
We know what it is to feel on the verge of bursting at the seams. Life seems to play Russian Roulette with all of our emotions and at any given moment we could spit straight rage at anyone in our general vicinity, or we could erupt into a sputtering sprinkler of tears. To feel that way is difficult, it is exhausting, and it is frustrating. Why? Because we allow ourselves to lose a certain amount of control over our own emotions. I was at this point. Heck, I am still trying to leave that point. And I am getting there. And this is how.
I scanned a couple of more websites that popped up in my google search of 'dismantle' and recognized that many of the sites touch on a particular point. They explain that by taking a car or a computer or even a human corpse (gross, I know) apart, one can isolate a specific problem and even understand significantly better the object's purpose and how it functions. So, I thought of this same concept in terms of me: Ciara Lynne Stastny.
"If you are on the strait and narrow path, life is never falling apart, but most likely just falling into place."
After he said that, it was one of those moments when everyone in the room just sort of lets it sink in for a second, drops their jaw just a little, then types furiously on their laptops before they forget even one word.
Now, y'all reading this should know that I very much, with everything that I am composed of, believe that there is a God and that He is also our loving Heavenly Father. I believe He has a very specific plan for each of His children that is full of love, guidance, and happiness should we choose to follow it. THAT plan is what Shad is referring to when he says 'the strait and narrow path.' He means that if we are striving to know and follow God's will, if we are living His commandments, and if we are trying our best to walk in the ways of His son, Jesus Christ, then life can never actually be falling apart. Instead, it is falling into place. (for more questions about what in the world this 'plan' is that I was talking about, please see: www.lds.org/topics/plan-of-salvation)
His quote, aside from giving me goosebumps, makes me ask myself 2 questions:
1. Am I on the strait and narrow path?
2. If so, how could *this be my life falling into place?
*this crisis, this failure, this struggle, this frustration, this heartbreak, this worry, this problem, etc.
And so, I did some self-evaluating. I found that, for the most part, I am on the strait and narrow path. But, being human and being Ciara, there is so much room for improvement. A list was made, goals were set, and plans were put in place (like, this all happened tonight... right before I started typing this). I can also, now, address question number 2 and see how certain recent 'less-than-ideal' events in my life have been possibly leading me somewhere better that I could not have gone without such experiences.
In the end, I am grateful. I am grateful to my God for His grace and His mercy that He shows me on a daily basis as I consistently and constantly fall short. I am grateful to wonderful parents who have taught me to trust in God more than anyone or anything else. I am grateful for amazing roommates and friends that walk on either side of me, in front of me, and behind me, keeping me on this 'strait and narrow' path that is not always the easiest journey-but it is always the happiest. I am grateful that I am being dismantled right now so that I might see myself with new perspective before being put back together again. And I am so excited to one day be able to see how all of these trying experiences and struggles will end up helping my life fall into its proper place.
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